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Need Lore? [Closed]

Posted 2022-12-14 12:57:52 (edited)
Hello @Karma! :>

I would like to ask, if you also accept requests, if a "raw" text is written, but it needs polishing? Like it needs to be rewritten from a writer's pen, haha I can't express myself better.
I actually found out a little background story for my lead, but due to that my native language is not English, and I'm super far from being a good storyteller, I'd need a bit of help about rewriting a little story for him, for a short story/stud advertisement.
Obviously I'd pay the full price of it if you accept my request :> I'd be very grateful if you could help me!

Thule
#32507

Posted 2022-12-14 13:00:06 (edited)
@Lisitsa

If I'm understanding this correctly, you essentially want me to proof-read what you have now and make corrections and additions? If so, that's not a problem at all! I'd be more than happy to work with you! ^^ If I didn't explain that properly, feel free to correct me.

Karma
#75898

Posted 2022-12-14 13:06:18 (edited)
Forgot to post this (I did send it via DMs however), completed work for @Jackal#75258! [Turn around time, 3 days; about 4 to five hours~ of actual writing time][total words 3393]



"Move," the all black male with amber eyes snarled. Shion quickly shuffled, though, more likely stumbled to her left due to Akemi shoving himself past her, his shoulder making contact with her entire body. He rolled his eyes with a snort, watching as the albino she-wolf nearly fell to the ground.

Akemi.

The beta, second in command. Didn't choose a mate, never chose to have puppies. Though, that didn't come as a surprise to Shion. The large brute only thought about proving himself to Shion's parents, the leaders of the pack. Akemi weaseled himself right into their pockets and because of that, he's able to get away with just about anything.

He was always rude to Shion and the other lower ranking wolves. Though, even the lowest ranking wolves would try to shove Shion around. All because she was nearly fully blind, and her hearing was starting to go as well… And well, because she's albino. For whatever reason, any wolf who was slightly different was targeted by everyone and anyone. Even her own parents didn't care for her. They cast her out when she was a pup and a young chocolate brown she-wolf within the pack found her and cared for her. The only reason Shion was allowed to remain in the pack was because of this she-wolf.

"Yes your highness," she muttered lowly with a roll to her eyes.

"What was that," Akemi snarled and whirled around, his teeth bared. A mixture of blood and saliva began to drip from his maw. Shion backed up a few steps, her body low to the ground. Akemi towered over her, he was overly large for a wolf. No one really understood how he got so big, just… was. He stood over three feet tall on all fours, and was roughly six feet long. He truly was, just a brute.

"Care to repeat yourself?" Akemi spoke slowly, adding emphasis to each word. His tone was dark and twisted. His ears flattened against his skull as he crouched slightly, his hind legs ready to spring. Each paw was silent under the large wolf's weight. This caused Shion to back up slowly, her head turning to the right as she shied away from Akemi's eyes.

"I said, my apologies," Shion whined out just above a whisper. Akemi stopped as he glared into her eyes. Suddenly, he jumped at her, snapping his jaw. Shion flinched, her muscles tensing. She began to backpedal up until her back was to a tree. It was then that Akemi stopped millimeters before making contact with her.

"Watch your tongue albino, and keep in mind how you speak to me. You provide nothing for us, you mean nothing to us," Akemi hissed loudly. He stood up straight, his glare sharp as daggers, never left Shion. After several painstaking moments, he let out a huff before turning around and walking away. Shion exhaled heavily, feeling a tremendous weight being lifted from her shoulders. She didn't even realize she had been holding her breath throughout the entire interaction.

Standing up, she looked around at all the wolves around her. They all shot her glares and snarled in her direction. Sighing softly, she made her way to the den that she shared with the only wolf who didn't hate her.

"Picking a fight with Akemi? That doesn't seem too much like your style," Sakiya sighed softly with a shake to her head. Shion rolled her eyes as she ignored the chocolate coloured wolf. Sakiya had the calmest silver eyes, along with black paws, ears, muzzle, and tail tip. She also had a small white patch on her chest. Her brown hair started turning white when she was around four to five years old. The outer edges were more grey, where the closer to the center was white. Shion pulled herself into the den and curled into a ball opposite of Sakiya.

"I didn't pick a fight with him, he picked one with me. I'll also have you know, my "fashion style" or whatever the hell that is, is perfectly fine," Shion huffed matter-of-factly. This was met with a snort and a soft chuckle from Sakiya. Shion's ears swiveled backwards in embarrassment as she eye'd the she-wolf.

"I said, that doesn't seem like your style. Not, that's a bad fashion style," Sayika finally managed to say in between chuckles. Shion released a frustrated sigh before resting her head on her paws.

"My damn hearing is starting to go. I wish I was never born an albino," she snarled quietly.

"All of my problems would be solved if I was just normal," she snarled slightly louder. Sakiya flinched slightly before looking away from Shion and resting her head on her paws as well.

"If it's any consolation, I'm just happy that you're here," Sakiya said softly before dozing off to sleep. Shion's eyes widened as she stared at her, her mouth parted slightly. Her eyes held a mixture of confusion, pain, happiness, and sadness. A small smile tugged on her lips before the pure white wolf with red eyes drifted off to sleep.

Several hours later Shion woke up to snarling and growling and snapping. Her ears swiveled around and she slowly picked up her head. She blinked several times, her vision spottier and blurred more than usual. She narrowed her eyes, trying to get them to focus in the darkness of the night. Sniffing to her left, she couldn't smell Sakiya. At least not enough like she was here, but enough to show that she was here at some point. More snarling and cries of pain echoed in the crisp, dark cold night.

Shion jumped up after hearing more snarls and left her den. She looked around her, only to hear the commotion again. She began to pad quickly towards the noise, being careful not to trip over anything. Her heart began to race, why was Sakiya not in their den? What has happened to her? Where did she go? Shion's thinking was cut short when she made it to a nearby clearing.

What Shion was able to make out with her poor vision was that Akemi and Sakiya were in a full out death fight. The smell of blood rushed into Shion's nose and drowned out her other senses. Shion went into fight or flight mode and rushed into the frey. She collided with, who she believed to be Akemi, and broke the wolves apart.

"Don't… Interfere!" That's all Shion heard before a large wolf charged at her, and slashed her across her side. Shion yelped out in pain and flinched away, drawing back.

"Shion, run," Sakiya shouted out in panic, her eye's wild and filled with fear. Akemi snarled at Sakiya before lunging at her and crunching down on her shoulder. Sakiya yelped and then snarled out in pain. Shion's ears flattened before she pulled herself up, her blood soaking her pure white pelt.

Shion shook her head, removing any thoughts of doubt or indecisiveness. She rushed back into the flurry of teeth, claws, blood, and snarls. She snapped her jaw, and eventually made contact with fleshy meat. She bit down, hard. Her teeth tore into the tissue and held on, her ears flattened against her skull. She heard a yelp in pain from the contact, but she didn't release. It was then that claws made contact with the side of her face and she yelped and growled out in pain.

Shion shook her head, blood and saliva now dripping from her own maw, her head now dyed red from a mixture of her blood, and another's blood. Upon shaking her head, she narrowed her eyes, trying to focus on the darker wolf. Her eyes trailed the two dark wolves as they kicked up dirt and snarled and lashed more at each other. She growled out before leaping in one last time.

She made contact, shoving the wolves apart. She whirled to her right and managed to snap at the wolf, the jaws biting and locking down onto the throat of the wolf. She bit down and this time? She didn't let go. She received a few more non-lethal wounds to her hindquarters and shoulders before the wolf in her jaw fell limp. It was then that she finally released the wolf and let their corpse drop to the ground.

Backing up, Shion was breathing heavily. Her ankles began to shake slightly from the weight of her exhausted body. The harsh cold temperature didn't faze her due to her adrenaline pumping. Her eyes were wide in fear, but also displayed confusion and desperation and shock. As Shion was heaving breaths in and out, her ankles buckled, though she was able to catch herself before completely falling to the ground.

"Shion, what did you do?!" Shion's eyes widened and she whirled around. She saw her mom, a tan she-wolf with white unders and soft golden eyes. Her dad, a large dark grey wolf with black and white streaks within his coat, white unders, and grey eyes. And last, but not least… Akemi. The all black wolf with amber eyes.

She couldn't believe her eyes. How was he here? She killed him… Realization struck Shion and her eyes widened with horror. She spun around and ran to the body of the wolf she knew she killed. She sniffed the body, confirming her darkest fears.

"I… I killed her? I- I killed Sakiya? No! How could that be? Akemi was… No, I know I killed Akemi…," Shion began to speak quickly. Her eyes searched the body frantically as she gently nudged Sakiya's cold, lifeless head. She was laying in a pool of her own blood, her eyes still open from her death. Shion had mistaken Sakiya for Akemi and killed her. The only wolf who actually loved Shion, the she-wolf who cared for her when her birth mother cast her out.

Shion killed her.

Seconds later, Akemi jumped onto Shion, forcing her to the ground. He lowered his head near her ear and let out a low growl, his eyes narrowed.

"I should kill you where you lay," Akemi hissed quietly.

"It's your fault! You were fighting her first," Shion snapped back, her jaws snapping near Akemi's face. This caused him to recoil slightly, before shoving her head into the ground with his right paw.

"What does Shion mean," Aika hissed. Shion looked over at her mother as Akemi let out another snarl, before releasing pressure on her.

"Sakiya had left her den. She came to speak to me about how I was treating Shion-" Akemi began before he was cut off by Eiko, Shion's father.

"What did you, or have you been doing to Shion," Eiko growled deeply. His eyes flickered down to Shion before meeting Akemi's hard gaze. The large black wolf on top of Shion let out an aggravated sigh before rolling his eyes.

"I would often shove her around, steal her food, allow her to get lost, and nip at her, sometimes drawing blood," Akemi growled loudly, his eyes glared at Eiko. However, Eiko stood unflinchingly as he held the stare.

"Just because we cast her out of our den, doesn't mean you were allowed to do whatever you want," Eiko snarled viciously. He took a few steps forward, which caused Akemi to back up slowly, eventually removing himself completely from being on top of Shion.

"You said I could do whatever I wanted," Akemi shouted back, a harsh growl added to his tone. This caused both Eiko and Aika to roll their eyes.

"Just because you're our Beta, that doesn't mean you're allowed to terrorize any members of the pack, Shion included." Akemi's eye's shifted to Aika who had just spoken and was also now walking towards Akemi.

"That's not fair-" Akemi began before Eiko and Aika snarled loudly, cutting him off.

"Life isn't fair! It wasn't fair that Shion was born the way she was, nor was it fair for Sakiya to die defending Shion! Just like it isn't fair that you have never and most likely never will be loved!" Akemi's eyes widened and his mouth parted slightly as he heard what Aika said.

"Shion, for your actions. We have no choice but to kick you from the pack. On top of murdering Sakiya, she was also the only reason you were allowed to stay," Eiko said sternly, his eyes hard as he stared down at Shion unapologetically.

"As for you Akemi, you are also being kicked from the pack, but at a later date. I will not tolerate you hunting Shion down," Eiko continued.

Shion's heart shattered. Her eyes began to sting as tears threatened to spill down past her cheeks. She bit the inside of her cheek before weakly standing up.

"I understand, thank you for the time I was allowed to stay," Shion muttered before she slowly walked from the pack grounds. Eiko and Aika watched as she left, though what Shion didn't see was the sadness in her parent's eyes. She heard some muffled talking and snarling, which she assumed was from Eiko and Akemi, but she didn't turn around to find out. They didn't want her, so be it.

After roughly a week, Shion was able to find an old den that was no longer used. The scents were faint, the last wolf here was several months ago. Thankfully, it was miles from her previous pack and near a stream. Rabbits, squirrels, and chipmunks seemed to be heavily populated. Though, Shion wasn't much of a hunter so she had been struggling a lot recently. Even though the pack only gave her scraps, it was better than nothing.

Crack

Shion looked around. Did she hear something? She looked around, narrowing her eyes, trying to focus on any movement.

Crack

"Is someone there," Shion called out, a slight snarl to her tone.

Crack

No response. Was she just going crazy? She began to walk around in a circle, narrowing her eyes even further. She began to smell the air, was that a wolf she smelled? She couldn't tell. There was an unfamiliar scent nearby by however, that much she knew for certain.

Crack

Shion's heart rate began to accelerate.

"Did Akemi find me? No no, I ran through several streams to lose my scent." Shion thought to herself. Her eyes began to turn wild as she began to pant.

Suddenly the sound of more branches cracking were followed with a snarl and a large white wolf jumping out. He lunged at Shion and latched onto her right shoulder. Shion howled out in pain, before shaking viciously. She snapped at the wolf's side and eventually got a decent hold. The taste of blood flooded her system. She began to shake her head furiously until she ripped a chunk off of the wolf. The wolf howled out in pain, releasing Shion and staggering back.

Blood dripped from both wolves, dying their coats red. Shion bared her teeth, her hackles raised. She could tell the wolf was a male by his scent, and it seemed as though he was a loner. Suddenly, the wolf lunged back at Shion, clawing at her chest. Shion side stepped best she could, resulting in his claws grazing her left shoulder and part of her chest. Shion snarled and lunged back at him, her jaw able to make contact with his scruff. She latched down locking her jaw as she clawed at any part of the wolf she could. The male shook and started running around, before slamming himself and Shion into a tree.

Shion fell off from the force of the blow, landing on the ground on her side. Her breathing started to become more rapid and her breaths had a slight whine to them. The other wolf was bleeding profusely and Shion knew he wouldn't last long. She managed to shakily pull herself up once more and she charged at the wolf again. She bit down on his throat and locked her jaw. The other wolf began to whine, snarl, and growl before ultimately howling out in pain.

However, Shion didn't release him until his body fell lifeless on the ground. She let out a heavy sigh and her vision became blackness. She fell to the ground, succumbing to unconsciousness.

Several hours later, Shion came back to consciousness. She picked up her head and surveyed her surroundings best she could. With a whine, she was eventually able to pull herself up.

"I can't stay here anymore," Shion sighed. The fight had caused a lot of commotion and she didn't want to risk any other loners coming to pick a fight with her.

Turning to her left, she dragged her paws with every step she took. She made it to the stream and decided it was best to drink now, just in case she didn't come across another nearby stream. Once she drank her full, she pulled herself through the shallow stream and made her way up the riverbank.

Shion has been traveling for a couple days. She struggled to find food, though she managed to come across a pond. That exact pond was where she currently found herself. Looking around, she sniffed the air; nothing peculiar. With a soft sigh, she drank her fill once more before turning to her right. She began to walk away when she heard a loud snap.

Instead of looking towards the noise, she flattened her ears and began to run away. Shion made it several feet before a tight wire wrapped around nearly the base of her tail and pulled so tightly that blood began to drip off of her tail. She howled out in pain, stopping in her tracks. She looked behind her and began to whine softly.

Shion's parent's had warned the pack of these things. They had mentioned that human hunters would use these things to wrap around wildlife to ensnare them. As these thoughts flooded Shion's head, her heart sank. She let out another soft whine before ultimately laying down. She closed her eyes, at this point wishing it would all be done. With every movement Shion made, the wire only wrapped tighter and tighter. Eventually Shion did pass out from the pain.

When Shion came to, she heard distant twigs snapping. She sighed softly, this was her end. More twigs snapped and she turned her head in the direction. Narrowing her eyes, she cocked her head slightly.

Were those wolves?

"If you wish to join our pack, you must free yourself. We will welcome you with open paws," an unfamiliar voice echoed out. Shion's ears flattened against her head as she let out another soft whine.

"Once you free yourself, use your nose and follow our scent. You'll know once you've found us." There was the voice again. Shion's eyes widened and the dull red hidden behind the cloudiness from her going blind seemed to regain their glimmer.

Shion shifted, letting out a sharp snarl as the wire dug only deeper into her tail. She heard more twigs snapping, and sniffed the air. She was now able to make out scents of several unfamiliar animals, no, wolves. Her eyes widened further and she whined out once more, before looking at her tail. Shion took a moment to look between where she heard the voice and her tail.

Exhaling heavily she let out a vicious snarl before locking her jaws onto her tail. She severed her tail from her body and she let out a vicious, loud howl of pain. She began to breathe heavily, her chest heaving up and down. Blood began to pour from her tail.

Shion took her first step, then her second, and her third. She began to walk slowly towards where she heard the voices. Her paws continued to drag and her head hung low. She noticed her balance was off quite a bit. Well… She did just chew off her own tail, so that would make sense. She sighed softly, but she continued towards the pack.

"I'm coming," she howled out loudly, making her presence known. She heard twigs snapping once again, which led Shion to sniff the air. The same scents flooded her nose and a soft, toothy grin was stretched on her face.

Finally, she had found home.


Karma
#75898

Posted 2022-12-14 13:13:00
@Karma

Yees, thank you, I meant it like this! Would it be okay for you if I dm the scrap to you with the form required to you for writing?

Thule
#32507

Posted 2022-12-14 13:14:16
@Lisitsa

Absolutely, feel free to DM me whenever you're available! I will be on and off today, thanks to my sleeping schedule So I will respond and talk with you throughout the day! ^^

Karma
#75898

Posted 2022-12-14 13:16:36
Thank you very much! I might going to send it a bit later as well, I'm just finishing the daily to-dos, but I will try to send it before bedtime/rollover! Thank you very much in advance! :>

Thule
#32507

Posted 2022-12-14 13:17:51
Of course, no stress or rush on it! Whenever you're free to. Even if it doesn't get to me until tomorrow, that's completely fine. Take your time :)

Karma
#75898

Posted 2022-12-14 13:18:35
Thank you! ^^

Thule
#32507

Posted 2022-12-19 09:49:31
Character Name: GHOST

Character Pronouns: he/him

Visual Reference[Required]: Ref Sheet ; Extra Scene Piece

Type of Commission: Lore

Form of Payment: x2 designs (~22 USD)

Short Explanation about Character: Ex-military Belgian Malinois private; afterwards a specialist when an unit is formed. He has been deployed in Afghanistan and after some time found out that his higher ranks in the unit were working with the enemy's military. When they assumed that he has found out about it, they "kidnapped" him and took him to the enemy's military for torture and eventual death. He has been at the enemy's concentration camp for a few months (similar to Vorkuta), where he has been tortured badly. Somehow, he managed to keep his composure until his eventual escape. He took it upon himself to hunt down every remaining officer from that unit in hopes of annihilating them all.
What he finds out, unfortunately, is that there are more like his unit that are working with the enemy forces. He hopes to reach his home military and report what he knows. What happens could either be the doom of him or he may be receiving one of them fancy badges for loyalty. We know military is tricky and sometimes the entire military could be in on it. I think you could decide what happens and if you want to make it apparent.

Time is set before and during WW2. Just a regular world similar to people's works well. He joined the unit a few months before WW2 happened and has been getting basic training, then special. once WW2 broke out, he has been assigned to a special unit. eventually, has been deployed in Afghanistan.

His dog tags served the purpose of only scaring his fellow ex-unit officers after he has escaped the concentration camp. They're optional and he holds them tied around his machete. He also holds the machete at the bandaged part, not the handle. Not sure why that could be, he just quirkly like that lmao.

Short Idea/Explanation of what you're looking for: just explained because my brain is too small to separate the character from the idea LMAO.

Anything else I may need to know/Extra/Other: He's eventually gonna get a buddy Soap, but you don't need to include him right now. I think I'd like that to happen as a "side story related to the main one" which can be put into any "time stamp". his military mostly consists from other Belgian Shepherds alike, German Shepherds, Dobermans here and there and a few other "tough/military" dog breeds. When naming his fellow officers and higher-ups, you could generally just use COD inspired names. I know you're well-versed in those . oh, and when you write a few higher-ranks officers' deaths', including his dog tags dangling and inflicting fear into the victims would help set the scene.

harupawz
#65422

Posted 2022-12-19 09:53:42
@Haru

Definitely looking forward to starting, working on, and finishing this! I will most likely start yours after Christmas because holidays Absolutely, accepting this and can't wait to let my creativity go wild! Also love the COD references, makes my lil' black heart happy

Karma
#75898

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